By Kali White VanBaale
From petty disputes over parking spots to full-blown feuds over fence lines, neighborhood wars can turn quiet streets into battlegrounds where the slightest irritation ignites lasting tensions.
According to a 2019 Pew Research Center report, 57 percent of Americans say they know only some of their neighbors, while only 26 percent say they know most of them. And a 2023 survey by a mortgage company found that 73 percent of their customers reported disliking at least one of their neighbors, and 23 percent reported having called the police because of neighborhood problems. The most common complaints were for noise, pets, property line issues, parking and lack of maintenance over a home's exterior.
[New episodes of Neighborhood Wars premiere Tuesdays at 9/8c. Stream full episodes in the A&E app.]
A&E spoke with mediation and real estate professionals for advice and tips for dealing with difficult neighbors and neighborhood disputes.
Have a Neighborly Discussion
"I often find both parties have the same goal: to live in their home peacefully," says Ann Rezarch, a trained mediator with 25 years of experience mediating disputes, including neighborhood clashes, for the Polk County Attorney's office in central Iowa. And part of keeping this peace is civil communication.
While it can be uncomfortable to approach a neighbor about a behavior or issue disrupting that peaceful coexistence, according to Rezarch, this should always be the first course of action.
Communicating with a neighbor in a polite and calm manner is often sufficient to resolve the issue and will maintain a friendly relationship. "And I find that most neighbors do start out as friends," Rezarch says.
Know Your Local Ordinances, Covenants or HOAs
Kris Hutchinson, a real estate agent in the Midwest, says, knowledge about the rules of an area is key.
"Many neighborhood disputes can be prevented with simple due diligence by carefully reading and understanding property covenants and Homeowners Association (HOA) rules at the time of your home purchase," Hutchinson says. Knowing whether what a neighbor is doing is violating a specific rule or ordinance can help guide an initial conversation.
If a friendly conversation doesn't stop the behavior or issue, providing a copy of the applicable local ordinances or rules with the violation highlighted for the neighbor with a polite and genuine offer for a resolution can also prevent escalation.
Hutchinson points out that while living in a neighborhood with an HOA creates an extra yearly expense, they're "designed to both prevent and help resolve neighborhood issues." She believes they can be worth the money to help keep neighborhoods peaceful.
"If Fred and Mary try parking a boat in their driveway and it's against an HOA rule, that really takes care of the argument right there," he says. "I always tell buyers, if you don't like the rules of an HOA, maybe look for a place out in the country."
HOA boards can determine whether or not intervention is necessary, and even offer Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) where board members and homeowners settle issues with the help of a neutral third-party. ADR can avert expensive and time-consuming lawsuits and, in many states, ADR is even mandatory in certain types of legal cases. Courts can require parties to attempt to resolve their disputes through mediation or other ADR methods before proceeding to trial.
Hire a Private Mediator
If you don't live in a community with an HOA board to assist in resolving issues and disputes, Rezarch recommends looking into hiring a private mediator. Mediators can help parties find a resolution to repair, return or replace property—and they can facilitate an agreement to modify or cease specific behavior.
Mediators aren't judges, won't takes sides and won't make decisions or tell participants what they need to do to resolve the problem. They'll ensure that ground rules are followed by all parties and maintain a respectful atmosphere during the session, help participants understand the issues, assist with finding common ground and write up agreements.
Rezarch says mediators are trained to facilitate productive conversation that changes the energy between parties and reduces aggression.
Where Possible, Hold Off on Filming Unruly Neighbors
Mediation, Rezarch stresses, is not a place for legality or proof, but a place for restoring relationships. If mediation is being used, she discourages attempting to photograph or videotape a neighbor during face-to-face confrontations, as these actions frequently inflame situations.
The most successful mediations, she says, "help each side re-humanize each other."
In many cases, Rezarch says individuals reach for the phone first and call the police about a neighborhood issue, which can quickly escalate a situation—or worse, inflame the neighbor to retaliate through more extreme behaviors. Sometimes, people in a neighborhood war go back and forth calling 911 on each other.
If police intervention is deemed necessary, law enforcement agencies recommend calling the local police dispatch or non-emergency number.
Non-emergent police intervention can sometimes prevent unnecessary escalation of the issue. Many police departments also often refer such cases to the county attorney mediation services.
Rezarch estimates she mediates roughly one police-referred case a quarter but can sometimes mediate as many as one a month. These referrals often depend on the discretion of the police chief and county attorney and are provided at no or low cost to the participants in many counties and states.
If Laws Are Being Broken, Start Collecting Evidence and Speak with an Attorney
If a neighborhood issue becomes a safety concern and requires legal action, it's advisable to document what happened during specific incidents, including dates, times and any other relevant details.
Rezarch has mediated serious cases with one neighbor alleging drug dealing or prostitution in a house next door. These cases are a special challenge because police haven't obtained enough evidence to intervene with an arrest, yet both parties must still work toward some sort of resolution. This is also the point, Rezarch says, taking photos or video may be necessary during any incidents.
If mediation is unsuccessful, consult a local attorney who can review the complaint and advise if there is a case, how to proceed with the appropriate legal action and explain the pros and cons of litigation.
The type of complaint may also determine what type of attorney would be best to consult. For example, a real estate attorney can advise about property disputes as they relate to real estate law.
Before pursuing any form of legal action, though, it's important to consider how much time, effort and financial costs the judicial route will require. It's also important to understand that entering litigation with a neighbor could also create an even more hostile relationship and additional problems.
Living next to a bad neighbor is never pleasant, but knowing your rights, responsibilities and reasonable options can make a difference in resolving disputes—and ultimately help create a more peaceful neighborhood.