Duck Jokes

Need a laugh before new episodes of Duck Dynasty air? Well sit back and check out our compilation of some of the best duck jokes we've found online.

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Why was the duck put into the basketball game?

To make a fowl shot.

What time does a duck wake up?

At the quack of dawn.

What do you call a crate full of ducks?

A box of quackers.

What do you call a clever duck?

A wise quacker!

What did the duck say to the banker?

My bill is bigger than yours.

Why did the duck fly south for the winter?

Because it was too far to walk.

What do you get if you cross a duck with fireworks?

A firequacker!

What's another name for a clever duck?

A wise quacker!

What did the detective duck say to his partner?

I hope we quack this case.

What did the duck say when she dropped the dishes?

"I hope I didn't quack any!"

Who stole the soap?

The robber ducky.

What did the duck do after he read all these jokes?

He quacked up.

Why does a duck say quack?

Because it can't say moo.

How do you get down off a horse?

You don't, you get down off a duck.

What says "Quick, Quick"?

A duck with the hiccups

Why did the duck cross the road?

He was tied to the chicken.

What do physics ducks say?

Quark, quark.

Which side of a duck has the most feathers?

The outside!

What does a duck like to eat with soup?


A man and a duck are walking down the street together. Suddenly the man notices a low-flying airplane coming right for them. The man yells "DUCK!!!!" and the duck looks back at the man with an angry face and yells "MAN!!!!"

A duck walks into a pharmacy and says, "Do you have any chapstick?" When the pharmacist hands it to him, the duck replies, "Thanks, just put it on my bill."

A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a duck sitting next to him. "Are you a duck?" asked the man, surprised. "Yes." "What are you doing at the movies?" The duck replied, "Well, I liked the book."

A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Got any bread?" The bartender says, "No." The duck shakes his feathers, quacks, and leaves. The next day the duck walks into the bar and says, "Got any bread?" The bartender says, "No, and if you come back, I'll nail your beak to the bar!" The duck shakes his feathers, quacks, and leaves. The very next day the bartender notices the duck back at the bar and says, "All right wise guy, what is it today?" The duck says, "Got any nails?" The bartender says, "No." Then the duck says, "Got any bread?"

--From Facebook fan Morgan Daniel Lindstrom

There once was a barman who owned a duck that danced on a tin box. He sold the duck to another barman who phoned him later asking how to make it stop. The first barman replied, "Just open the tin and blow out the candles!"

--From Facebook fan Victoria Weinblatt

Why did the duck come home sick from the hospital?

The doctor he saw was a quack!

--From Facebook fan Casey Lann

Donald Duck walked into a drugstore and asked for a packet of condoms. "Certainly, sir," said the lady behind the counter. "Shall I put them on your bill?" Donald Duck replied, "Thit no! I'll thuficate!"

--From Facebook fan Victoria Weinblatt

Two ducks were skipping down a sidewalk when suddenly, one tripped and fell. It got up and said to the other duck, "I'm sorry--I tripped on a quack!"

--From Facebook fan Kevin Campbell

The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a duck waddled up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the duck's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!" "Not really," said the duck. "Your name is written inside the cover."

--From Facebook fan Victoria Weinblatt

Farmer Jones goes to town to buy a duck. As he's heading home, he passes the local theatre and notes that a film he really wanted to see is playing. Not wanting to miss the movie, Jones stuffs the duck in his pants and goes into the darkened theatre. He sits down next to two old, nearly blind ladies, Thelma and Maude. During the performance the duck gets restless and works his head out of Farmer Jones' fly. Maude looks over, pokes Thelma and says, "Look at that!" Thelma replies, "C'mon...don't tell me you've never seen one of those before!" Maude answers, "Yeah...but this one's eatin' my popcorn..."

--From Facebook fan Don Dorflinger

Credits: Lemon the Duck, Jokes4Us, Ducksters, Duck Eggs, Superduck, Racing Ducks