Stuck in the Middle…

Norman’s seemed a bit preoccupied lately. He’s taking Annika Johnson’s disappearance pretty hard. He tries to play it off as “managerial concern”, but I can see right through that. He’s such a good person – he cares too deeply, even about people that he doesn’t know. I feel kind of silly for being the teeniest bit jealous of her when he gave her a ride that one night – girls like her always get guys’ attention.

I actually took a page out of her book and got all dressed up for work: black lace dress, matching lingerie, and heels. Heels for crying out loud! Do you know how hard it is to walk on the motel gravel in heels? Pretty impossible to make that look sexy. I even watched a makeup tutorial on YouTube. That turned out to be more trouble than it was worth, but the fact that I watched it has to mean something, right? And it worked. Norman said I looked nice, which may not sound super exciting, but he said it with this look in his eyes. It felt good to be noticed. I felt like a real woman. I don’t think I’ll be able to put that much effort in to my appearance every day, but it’s nice to know that I’ve got it, when I want to flaunt it.

Thinking about that look in Norman’s eye still gives me shivers. I’ve wanted him to look at me like that for years.

We were talking about his relationship with his mom; on the one hand, I’m really glad he’s opening up to me on a deeper level than he ever has, but on the other, I also don’t feel like I’m the right person to talk to. I know I’m his girlfriend, and I want to be supportive, but I also have a great relationship with Norma, so it’s easy for me to defend her. But more than that, these issues that he brings up with her seem like more than the normal mother/son fights. It seems big. Especially with how riled up he got. Like, really angry. I don’t think people get so out of control when they fight with their mothers. But, what do I know? I don’t have a mom. So maybe it is normal…

In other news, I got to go up and see Dylan’s farm! It’s beautiful up there. I’m strangely proud of him for everything he’s accomplished and what this farm means for him. He’s not really mine to be proud of, but it’s like there’s this overwhelming bubble of pride in my chest when I think about him up there. Or maybe that’s just my CF 😉 (It’s my blog, I can joke if I want to!)

But, while I was there I found out some stuff I wish I hadn’t. Not that it’s bad, really, it’s just not my business. Now I have to decide whether to tell this secret or not. It sucks because I am really close to mostly everyone it affects, but I’m forced to pick who to be loyal to. I know it’s not anyone’s fault that I’m involved (actually, it’s my fault for turning up unannounced), but I know I’ll feel guilty either way. But, if they don’t know, it can’t hurt them… right? I know I’m talking in the abstract, which doesn’t clarify anything, but what would you guys do if you were asked to keep a secret from people you love in order to help someone else you also care about?

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