I Haven't Said Much

...about this because I wasn't sure if anything would come of it, but Gunner's back in town. Yup, the guy I had the crush on last year. I call him Cupcake Boy and he calls me Cupcake Girl. It's cute and ridiculous and... pretty freaking awesome.

Oh My God, I feel totally giddy. I almost can't believe this happened. I believe it because I keep thinking about it. It's all so easy with Gunner and happy and stress free. It's how this stuff should be. Not the way it has been in the past.

Okay so here it is. My big news. Gunner and I went on a date. A proper one. And then... we had sex.

There, I said it. I had sex with Gunner. It was awkward and messy and exciting and fun and strange and new, and it made me feel like I was a normal teenage girl getting to have the same experiences everyone else my age gets to have. I felt free. Like it was just me and this incredibly hot boy having fun.

I was completely nervous about it, between the stuff I read online and my own medical concerns, but Norma gave me some great advise that put all my fears at ease. And Gunner, he didn't rush me or make me feel weird that it was my first time. He was even cool when I told him I was a virgin. Not that I had a reason to think he wouldn't be, but you never know. But now I'm not.

Wow. I'm not! I'm different but in a good way. Like I'm doing the things in life I'm supposed to do and not letting anything hold me back.

It's how I need to act from now on -- just do what I want because life isn't going to wait for me, and I shouldn't be holding myself back either.

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