Do You Know What

I hear at work this week? Laughter. From a couple of kids here with their family on vacation. I watch them run in circles till they get dizzy and fall over. Giggling and clutching their sides. It's contagious. Norman'll often find me laughing and not know why. I point out the kids. He smiles. But he doesn't laugh. I try not to take it personally. I know it's not. But when he doesn't laugh, as stupid as this sounds, it feels like he doesn't want to even share that with me and it reminds me that we're more co-workers than friends now.

It shouldn't even matter. But... The first time I saw him my heart fluttered. Yes he was puking. I don't know. Maybe it was his being vulnerable that got my attention. Maybe it was that first kiss we had at my Dad's shop. The way his lips felt... No. I need to stop it and forget. Forget all that. Because I deserve better. I want better. I want more. It's just... working together. Side by side. Every single day... makes it so hard to push those feelings out and let them escape.

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