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Yesterday Was Insane

I totally ran the gamut of emotions. First thing's first: I had way too much to drink at the Bradley memorial. I woke up the next morning with a major headache. Not to mention I was lying next to Gunner at the motel — in my underwear! I can't believe I put myself in that predicament. I know I said that I wanted to make "bad choices," but maybe making bad choices is a gradual thing. I can't really go from zero to sixty in that way.

Back to waking up next to Gunner — because that was pretty crazy. I was so embarrassed that I had to get out of the room. Quickly. I didn't really know what had happened the night before, and I didn't want to find out in that moment. All my brain kept telling me was "Emma, get home. You didn't tell your dad where you were and he's probably worried sick, not to mention you possibly slept with a boy. Get home NOW!" The situation escalated when this disgruntled motel guest, with these two creepy kids, was yelling at me about someone being drunk in the parking lot.

Dylan clearly had a HORRIBLE night of drinking, maybe even worse than me. He didn't even make it to the toilet to throw up. It was in his truck and on his clothes. It smelled awful. I keep thinking to myself how bad I feel for the motel cleaning crew. They are going to have a busy day cleaning up my puke, Dylan's puke — puke for days.

Anyways, clearly I had to get Norman to help me with Dylan, and then Norma came downstairs. I thought I was busted for sure. I mean, I slept with a guest of the motel, and it was 7 in the morning, and I probably looked disheveled and smelled horribly (and was wearing the same clothes from the day before). When she asked me what I was doing there — I thought I gave a pretty good answer — that the motel has been very busy, and I was just trying to help out, even on the weekend. She sort of brushed me off as if she had more on her mind, and I was happy about that. She didn't ask any more questions so I think my job is safe. I wonder if she believed me? I hope so.

Later, I was working in the office and I just felt this weird fear of running into Gunner. I didn't want him to see me or have to confront him. I didn't want to know what I did from the night before, because whatever happened -- clearly it wasn't good. Did we have sex? Did we not have sex? I just wasn't really ready to know the answer to that, at least not until later.

Then Cody came in to see Norman, and she was clearly upset with him. I never really got a good vibe from her. She was always getting into trouble and hanging out with the wrong crowd. Just doing things that high school girls shouldn't be doing. I find it weird that these girls sort of flock to Norman. It's not that I'm jealous or anything, I just find it odd that he doesn't see when he has a good thing right in front of him.

Back to Gunner. He is so amazing. Way more of a gentleman than I thought, especially for someone who sells drugs for a living, or weed. (Is weed considered a drug or a plant?) It turns out that we DIDN'T have sex. Thank god. And he helped me when I was puking everywhere and sick from all of the alcohol. He also told me that he really likes me, and that when we are ready to, you know, do it — he would be open to it.

So, I am very nervous, but in a good way. It's exciting to know that someone is into you the same way that you are into them, and he's willing to look past the oxygen tank and see me for who I really am.

Like I said — crazy day, guys.

Bradley is Gone

I still can't believe it. It seemed like she had the perfect life until all this garbage started going down with her dad and the weed trade. I guess you can never know what's happening behind the scenes.

Norman is acting so odd about it all. I don't know what to think. Everyone else seems to just be moving on. I feel like we should do something for her. Something like a memorial or tribute of some sort.

Looking back at her life, I wonder if I was too quick to judge her because she was beautiful and popular... and then there is the Norman of it all. I never really tried to be friends with her. Maybe I was more the Mean Girl than I care to admit.

Kyle Miller

That's the name of the man they arrested for Miss Watson's death.

I couldn't find much about him online. From what I've heard around town, he used to be a dealer. The rumor is he might have been dating Miss Watson, but I can't see that. She was all about self-empowerment. Standing up for yourself and finding your independence. So why would she go out with someone like Kyle? I don't know. This is all so confusing. This town has so much cloak and dagger stuff at times I feel like I'm in a mystery novel, and now this guy Kyle's arrested, and all I can think is how Miss Watson's image is being tarnished by these rumors.

When I told Norma and Norman about the arrest, Norma hugged me so tight. It was definitely a moment. I was glad someone else was as relieved as I was that they found her killer. I bet she knew what a good teacher Miss Watson was too, and how much Norman appreciated her help in school.

Miss Watson was going to help me in the fall with my college essays. She had a way of bringing out the best in her students, and I'm wondering how big the void is going to be at school without her presence or will people have already moved on? Maybe the trial will bring her back to the forefront but then again I'd rather be focusing on the good things she did then the horrible way her life ended. I'm just glad they have someone in custody so this chapter can be closed.

It's Been a Few Months

...since Miss Watson died. Found murdered in her bedroom, God how horrible is that? It's surreal to think how somebody who was kind and sweet could die like that, and I don't know if I've totally moved past it. I know that Norman hasn't, and I'm worried because he's still so distraught. He visits her grave all the time! It's one thing to grieve, but I feel like this is something else entirely. It's not healthy... It's kind of weird.

I want to approach him about it but I don't know how. First off, he's always in his basement doing taxidermy, and that doesn't seem like the optimal time to bring up death and grieving. And even if I did have an opening to bring it up, how would I do it? Tell him to "get over it"? That just feels callous.

A lot of people were crying at the funeral, but he was full-on sobbing, to the point that people started staring. I realized that was the first funeral he's been to since his dad died, which still isn't all that long ago. He's had a real rough stretch lately, and I'm not blaming him for feeling this way. I'm just worried that he won't be able to move past this.

It's summer, he's a high schooler! He should be outside, or going to the movies, or staying out late! I want to see him laughing and joking again, even if he isn't that funny. As eye-roll inducing as they are, I would love to hear one of his awful, awful puns. The worst:

"Have you heard all the news about corduroy pillows? They're making all the headlines."

...

At least I'd get to see him crack a smile when he tells it. Does anybody have any ideas how I can help him get over this?

I Can't Believe

it's summer already!!!!! The rain and dark clouds have all gone away. The sun is out and shining. I love this time of year. It's the greatest - obviously because I get a break from school, but mostly because I get to do something exciting and fun for the summer break.

I mean, last year my dad thought it would be fun to go back to Manchester to visit the extended fam, but when we got there the weather was just as bleak and dreary as White Pine Bay had been all year, so my summer break felt more like an extended winter. But this year... I need to make exciting plans.

Ohhhh! Maybe I should travel. I've always wanted to go to Japan, see the sights and live the culture. Maybe Egypt to see the pyramids, or Greece to see the Acropolis. There's a lot on my list, and only 3 months to do any of it. I mean, I could always stay local and do something fun around town, but living in Oregon, most of the fun usually includes climbing, hiking, or biking. All of which, are not my strong suit.

Maybe I can take a road trip to California in the Bug. Visit San Francisco or Los Angeles. See the Golden Gate Bridge and the Hollywood sign. I wonder if I could get Norman to go with me? He loves old movies and would probably enjoy seeing some of the glitz and glamour of Hollywood. I doubt Norma would let him go, though. He's got a lot of responsibilities at the motel.

CRAP, she probably wouldn't even let me out. I just started working at the motel and business has been picking up, because all the tourists are coming through White Pine Bay. Agh! Should have thought of that before I decided to take this gig.

Oh well, no trip for me.

For Jiao

I was cleaning room nine today - I've probably cleaned it a hundred times - but for some reason it made me think of Jiao. It feels like just yesterday when Norman let me borrow Jiao's journal. I wonder how many kids our age would have seen beyond the art to find that there was real horrors happening right here at Bates Motel. I remember thinking, who is this girl? And what is this book?

The manga. The artwork inside it was so disturbing and violent. How could someone do such horrible things to these girls? Finding this book gave me more of a purpose, and put my life into perspective. No matter how bad life can be at times, there is always someone out there who has it worse. I wanted to help Jiao. I knew she had potential in life. I mean look at the artwork. Sure, she drew some pretty sad stuff, but the artwork was amazing. So real. So lifelike. Seeing how detailed all the line work and shading was - she captured the exact look and feel of the motel rooms and Norman's house.

And then we actually found her. She was real. It was just crazy to think I was involved in this poor girl's story. I felt like I knew her already. Her characters in the manga felt so real to me. Like I knew their struggle, their pain and sorrow. It was almost like I was living her life while reading her story.

I can't help thinking what could have become of Jiao if she wasn't murdered that night. Would she be a famous manga artist? Would I see her work in comic book shops and books stores around town? Would she be doing book signings and be this famous writer who showed up to comic book conventions with numerous fans screaming her name? I guess we'll never know.

A part of me feels the need to continue Jiao's legacy. I want to see her vision come to fruition. She's inspired me to finish her manga - tell her story. People need to know what happened to Jiao. Hmm... I wonder if I could get it published?

I should probably learn how to draw first.

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